my life so far

Have you ever felt so completely foolish about something but you just let it be because you are a slave to your emotions. You just wanna ride the wave. Savor the moment, because you know it will soon be gone! And worst, most of the time, everything is just one way!

Speaking of waves, you know where exactly I just wanna be at right now, as in super right now (and for the next several days, indefinitely)?

THE BEACH!

Anywhere, actually. I just want to sit by the shore, listen to the waves, feel them splash at my feet, then look up, see the stars, and just marvel at the stillness of the night and throw every bit of care into the wind. And probably clutching a bottle of tequila in my hand, ahahahaha alcoholic ba?

But you know what, Tequila's kind of my best buddy, or any form of alcohol actually (oh well, except red horse hehe). Really, no joke. I just love them. In referrence to my previous post, well, I'm trying to get rid of this penchant for alcohol (penchant talaga hahahahaha). The operative word being "trying".

Well, here's the thing with alcohol and me: It kinda frees me from every bit of inhibition that I have. No pretenses! I am myself to myself! It's just that sometimes, I feel I'm not being true to myself. I am true everyone else but to myself. HAH! How funny noh? But it's true. I don't know how, but it is what it is.

I remember some advice given to me, just lately lang ata, and it goes like "just be yourself". Cliche-ish but I don't know what he meant by that, maybe he just ran out of things to say, cuz i kinda put him on the spot with some stupid things going on in my mind, but needless to say, maybe that's what I really need. I just need to be myself to myself. damn it, i wish i knew exactly why I'm saying all these. Honestly, I dunno, again, baka effects lang ng puyat.

Thing is, i do feel kinda weird about everything lately. Yeah, I guess, I am not being myself. Question is, if I am myself, what would I be doing now? Who would I be with? In a heartbeat, I'd know who I'd be with - - - - - Jose Cuervo hahahaha!

Seriously though, please somebody give me that moment, me on the beach, with a bottle of tequila, and for that brief moment, I could be myself to myself.

Note to self: Gotta talk to a sensible person right about now! hahahahaha